Tuesday, July 24, 2007

Mitt the MormBot

The mysteries associated with the Book of Mormon and the history of the Church of LDS itself should, it seems fairly safe to bark, irritate anyone who values the secular principles of Founding Crackers. (Which is to say, if they don't, then you don't value those said principles. Jefferson himself had penned articles criticizing the near-madness of religious "enthusiasts" such as Joe Smith). Not only are there the very odd circumstances of Smith's supposed revelation (including the plates, and supernatural "creatures" that delivered the plates), there is the text itself, which most objective humans will soon realize is the Old Testament plagiarized, with some name changes, and made even stranger and more irrational than the original, as Twain realized (the brutal and rather absurd history of Mormonism in the Western USA reads not like Twain's polite cynicism, but akin to the bad trip sections of a Pynchon novel). One LDS doctrine suggests that the pious Mormon Big Daddy (and even some Democratic xtian Big Daddies--readers of OS Card's pulp-- like Mormons too!) earns a planet or something apres-mort, and he then sort of populates it with his holy Mormal concubines, until his next incarnation. Brigham Young in Space. Yay.

Mitt Bucks

Mitt Romney, America's favorite MormMan, is not only a Mormon however: he's a Scientologist! He admires L-Ron, the hippest crypto-nazi guru since like Crowley. As a good Mormon-Scientologist Prez Mitt will hopefully reveal the Secrets of the Sacred Plates, and the Truth of the HOLY NEWTS OF Fiery FLAME, that er carried the plates from God and Jeee-suss to Joe Smith one afternoon in Ohio or whereever, AND maybe share some secrets of those whacky Appliantologists (could Mitt's pending election be.............related to the arrival of BOB?). Then, once we have eliminated the pagan hordes, each Man shall have his own tribe, and then his own planet populated by his own personal harem of obedient Mormon-Maids/Seed-receptacles. Praise Moroni!

Mitt's not your ordinary republican MormMan, however---he's rather fond of wearing some rouge and mascara, for one.


Isn't that verboten per the Book of Mormon, if not Screeepture? Thou shalt not at any time cross-dress, or something.

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